Happy Mother's Day To My GREAT MOM!

A picture of my mom's grave that i took yesterday, Sunday May 10 mother's day, when we visited her in cemetery to offer some prayers and greeted her. It's been almost 16 years now since she was gone..




Last saturday 2pm in the afternoon, i took a look at my photo album to reminisce sweet memories and just out of boredom. But when my eyes made a glimpse on this one particular photo, my eyes were glued on it looking every angle of the face of the woman who brought me here in the world. And i remembered that it's mother's day the next day, a line of "if only's" flew around inside my head and a teary eye, if only she's here, i'll greet her a happy mother's day personally and hug her tightly as if there's no tomorrow. I'll kiss her tenderly to let her feel that i'm very fortunate and grateful that she is my mom. If only she's still alive, she would see me growing up that her little girl who is clumsy and always crying has now grown up to a young lady. While memories of her lingered on my mind, i can't help not to cry 'cause i really miss her a lot. Who won't by the way if you are on my place?

I think i was 4 or 5 yrs old in the photo when they took it. My mom died because of a traitor cancer at the cervix she got when i was born and ligate her by a midwife in our home, not in the hospital. It was a sensitive operation and it needs to be done in the hospital. And after a few months if i'm not mistaken, she begun to drew out blood continuously and it never stopped. She didn't tell to anyone of us even to my father that she was feeling something wrong inside her because she manages our RTW business at that time, she didn't even took a rest to feel better. When the time that her blood flow got worst, she finally told us that she's badly sick.
My father and other siblings hurriedly brought her to the hospital to checked her up, and there they was told that my mom had a cervical cancer. I didn't know exactly what happened but i'm sure they melted down like a melting candle upon hearing the tragic news. I remember there were too many hospitals that we've been go through the whole operation because no hospital in Angeles City could treated her cancer, and at that time there were no vaccines to treat cervical cancer, unlike now we are fortunate because hospitals already have vaccines to protect women from such disease. We even went to Manaoag in Pangasinan to pray in the miraculous church to get my mom healed.

Maybe because of their religion which was "espiritista", more likely to christians to have a big faith in miracles. Our relatives believed that she will be healed through miracles that they didn't allowed my father to sent my mom to other hospital. They just confined her inside their temple. I do also believe in miracles of course, but maybe if my mom could've been only transferred to other hospital earlier, she's still alive now. But no, while she stayed inside the temple without any support from medicines, machines or any, it just got worse. I don't blame them with what happened to my mom but atleast there's probably a chance of survival.

On August 24, 1993 just a day before my 6th birthday, at the tender age of 39 my mom passed away...
Imagine how painful was that? Perhaps at my very young age, i didn't care much than today. But i still knew that when i saw the men from the funeral parlor was about to take her blood, heart, intestines and other organ inside her body out, i screamed and cried like a wild beast ready to attack anyone who wished to touch my mom's body. Sounds exaggerated but it was true, i clearly remember that part. And the men did succeed from their operation, my mom's body was already in the coffin and the funeral took place inside the temple. After that day, i told my older cousin and her husband that i want to lay inside the coffin too, beside my mom. And she asked why, i just said that i want to go with my mom wherever she will go, and they only laughed believing i just uttered that because i was just 6 yrs. old and didn't really know what's happening around me. And on August 28, we finally brought her to the cemetery and while the pastor was praying, i heard the people around me including my family crying helplessly. I was crying too but i didn't feel i'm crying. I watched my family and relatives crying as if it's a show to me, i really didn't know then that it would be the last time that we could see my mom and never get to see again in our lives. It's just only now that i feel the real hurt and pain of losing a mother. I have this one memory of her when she gave me a piano toy on my birthday, i cherished that toy and was always playing with it at that time. And when it was time to go to school, she would spanked me at my butt because i was too lazy to go and didn't want to see my terror teacher. Now i regretted that day because i gave her a hard time, if i had only knew that she would left us so early, i should have followed her always. I should have been more diligent so that she could be proud of me even in a short time.

It's been almost 16 years now since she was gone..
16 years of life without a love from a mother..
16 years without a mother support..
16 years of christmas and new years without her..
16 years of birthdays and anniversaries celebrated without her..
16 years of happiness, sadness and sickness without her..
16 years and more to come living life without her..

And now, I truly understand why God has taken her away from us too early.. I accepted it already after 16 years but there's still pain whenever i would recall her memories. Yeah! Memories, that's all what i got now and i'm proud that i have Memories to a Very Wonderful Mom..

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL MOTHERS!!!